So this is my first post to my blog and have so much to say. By no means will this blog be fluffy gush. I will really state what is on my mind and will be no hold barred from my own thoughts to thoughs on just about everything. With that said...
I took a nap with my husband yesterday afternoon around 4 o'clock. Lately I have gained weight due to having a complete thyroidectomy (had my thyroid taken out surgically), and have had a roux-n-y gastric bypass about 8 years earlier because of weight problems all my life stemming predominantly from my throid. I have lost a whole other person from being 315 lbs to my smallest at around 155 lbs. My weight goes up and down but usually within the 20 lb range and I can keep it under control. Well, after having my thyroid taken out...Oh, I guess I forgot to say why I had this done. The doctors thought it might be thyroid cancer so we opted to have it removed. In the last 2 years I have gone from 170 lbs to now 205 lbs. I have not been feeling much like a woman lately more like depressed and completely unattractive. I awoke to seeing my husband downloading porn and felt a rage inside of me I have never felt before. Mind you I watch porn myself and usually seeing him do this does not enrage me at all. Most of us do whether we want to admit it or not either with a partner or alone. I do both. However, I am fighting with my feelings of complete insecurity and jealousy which is something I have never had to deal with before. I feel like i'm being unfair to him by saying something so I have not said anything. I have kept a smile on my face but he is beginning to see my depressed state and is becoming concerned because I keep pushing him away and not accepting his compliments. At this juncture with what I am feeling I have no idea what to do. This is my dilemma for today.
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